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can't get a date

 
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harpospeaking



Joined: 13 Sep 2005
Posts: 194
Location: San Diego, CA

PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:37 am    Post subject: can't get a date Reply with quote

Has anyone heard of this show called "Can't Get a Date" on Vh1? You can catch episodes on www.vh1.com.

I'm absolutely addicted to it. It's like a makeover show for people (New Yorkers specifically) who have trouble getting dates and socializing. They focus less on the surface makeover, but more on doing things to change their perception of themselves and gain more confidence. Because they take very average looking people with interesting backgrounds, skills and interests, it's accessible, funny and insightful.
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Barbara



Joined: 13 Nov 2004
Posts: 899
Location: Gold Coast Australia

PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 10:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

We don't get that show in New Zealand, but I'm addicted to the shows with the naughty children where they bring in a nanny to change their behaviour. Usually it is the parents that need to change their behaviour first.
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harpospeaking



Joined: 13 Sep 2005
Posts: 194
Location: San Diego, CA

PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2006 6:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Along the lines of "Can't Get a Date" . . .

Can anyone dish out advice on getting shy men to ask you out? I meet really great guys from time to time and they often seem a bit shy. We usually have great conversations where I ask a lot of the questions, and then things fizzle out when we run out of things to say. I'm a bit shy myself, but also old-fashioned --- i.e. I think the guy should do the asking. I usually am good about making eye contact and asking a lot of questions, but ultimately things go nowhere. I notice that this is less of a problem when I'm traveling in Europe. European men seem less afraid of rejection. Any thoughts?
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Debbie



Joined: 21 Feb 2005
Posts: 861
Location: Paris

PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2006 6:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with you that it is nicer to have the guy do the asking.... but sometimes they are scared of rejection too.... so maybe you might need to be brave and ask them out for a coffee?

Just remember that if they are not interested in you, then they obviously don't see the lovely person we meet here in this forum, and they are probably not worth the bother.

When you meet the right person it will just happen.... and quite often in the strangest places under the most unusual circumstances..... Wink
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Chicago Bear



Joined: 02 May 2005
Posts: 240
Location: Chicago

PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2006 8:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK, Harpo, this is Doctor Chicago Bear speaking. You're not meeting shy guys randomly; you're drawn to them because they have positive qualities that appeal to you. They're good listeners, they don't seek to dominate you or show you how cool they are, they don't think of themselves as God's gift to women. In short, they are not traditional boorish males. But because of that, they don't do the traditional boorish male thing, smoothly picking you up or asking you out. Since these people are your type, you need to be more assertive and ask them out directly. Believe me, during the days when I was a shy single male (before I got married and exited the market) I was thrilled when a woman took the initiative. After that, it was easier for me to take more initiative with her, and so it started to balance out.
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harpospeaking



Joined: 13 Sep 2005
Posts: 194
Location: San Diego, CA

PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2006 9:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the great advice Debbie and Dr. Bear! Besides dishing out great advice on cooking and gardening, you guys are excellent counselors. I'll take it to heart and try doing the asking next time around. If he's a great catch, I'll make him dinner.
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Erin



Joined: 18 Oct 2004
Posts: 1654
Location: Within view of Elliot Bay, The Olympics and every ship in the Sound

PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2006 12:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh my goodness, I wish I had checked this one out sooner. My husband is the the king of shy. It seriously took him six months of coming into my shop to ask for my number. I gave him a ton of encouragement. When he asked he blurted it all out then proceeded to try and talk me out of giving it to him while trying to run out the door. Luckily I swallowed my laughter long enough to get out, "Yeah sure!". Then I was the one who took the reigns and set up the date. He later said that he had been trying all those months to ask me but always chickened out.

Debbie and Dr. Bear hit it on the money. Those two should take over on "Love Line".
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Debbie



Joined: 21 Feb 2005
Posts: 861
Location: Paris

PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2006 4:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh Erin, your post had me giggling and reminiscing. My husband was really shy on our first date. So funny.

He turned up to pick me up and I was upstairs in my apartment freaking out wondering why I had accepted the date from a guy who I couldn't even remember what he looked like Shocked all I could remember was that we had held a great conversation when we met.....

I opened the door to a huge, scruffy, untidy maori in bike leathers and two days growth.... Shocked Shocked Shocked (at the time I was a very tall, extremely thin and toned 56kgs with blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair that I could sit on... now I just dream of 56kgs - usually of food.....)

We went on the date (which was a trip with the bike club up the coast) on the harley along with about a hundred others from his club.

All day, this huge scary man was too timid to hold my hand or put his arm around me..... every time he accidentally touched my hand as we walked along at the destination, he would jump and get all embarrassed. He did not know what to do with himself he was so shy and nervous.

Eventually I had to take the initiative and grab hold of him. Afterwards he told me he was so nervous and shy of getting a knock back that he could hardly breathe all day. That was when I knew he was 100%gold inside and worth hanging on to.

BTW.... we married 6 months after that first date and he still likes to hold hands and still has a heart of gold...

This just shows you harpospeaking that sometimes the girl does have to put herself out to make the effort and it is worthwhile. Just ask Erin and I. Wink So next time try asking them out for a coffee and see what happens. Good luck!
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sweetbabyjames



Joined: 05 May 2006
Posts: 357

PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2006 11:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My advice is, act like you're headed somewhere and invite him to tag along. I once invited a guy for a hike in the city park. It was more casual than asking him to dinner because I said I was already planning to go and would he like to join me. I took along a little backpack with homemade snacks, just in case. The walk was fun, we talked, ate on the grass and then he made the next move and asked me out for our real "first date". That was the first time I ever made the first move, and now we've been together for four years (married for two)!
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Erin



Joined: 18 Oct 2004
Posts: 1654
Location: Within view of Elliot Bay, The Olympics and every ship in the Sound

PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 2:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

SweetbabyJames is so right! That's how Phil first tried to ask me out. He was headed shopping and asked me to come along to help him identify colors. Sadly I was busy, I had promised a friend I'd help him buy jewelery for his girlfriend. After that it took another month and a half before we went out.

Debbie,
That is such a cute story! We moved in at six months, we would have gotten married then but my parents would have freaked. Strange that living together was calming?....hmm. When you find a good one it is easy to spot. I knew as we walked to the car from my house, he was shakey.
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harpospeaking



Joined: 13 Sep 2005
Posts: 194
Location: San Diego, CA

PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 8:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great story, Erin! I guess shy guys really are worth the effort! (Shy, funny and can cook --- now that's golden.) By the way, what kind of shop were you running when you met your husband?
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Erin



Joined: 18 Oct 2004
Posts: 1654
Location: Within view of Elliot Bay, The Olympics and every ship in the Sound

PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 11:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was in college at the time, and I was managing a coffee shop. It was long before I worked for Starbucks, though oddly enough Starbucks played a huge role in our meeting. He was a regular at Starbucks until the day their machine broke down and he came to my shop, saw me, and became a devoted drinker of Tully's.
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"It's hot ham water."
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