Posted: Wed Nov 15, 2006 11:28 pm Post subject: What's in your life?
This is not a shameless effort to show that men can connect just as well as women, because that's not true. But I realized, as I read various threads, that I miss hearing what people are up to in their lives these days. Little bolts of lightning sometimes illuminate the landscape, but for the most part, I'm in the dark.
So here's what's up with me: Our youngest daughter, Tess, is a freshman at the University of Illinois. Last weekend was dad's weekend and it was really fun, like a window into her college life and how she's doing. Her friends are solid and bright, and they have a lot of fun together. Just before I drove downstate, I had a trial (being a lawyer, I do those sometimes) that turned out badly when my star witness admitted that he'd done wrong and that we deserved to lose the case. Talk about seeing your case curdle before your eyes! Meanwhile, my wife and I are adusting to being empty nesters, and (this is going to sound bad, but it isn't) how much we can leave each other alone and how much we want to be closer to each other. It's a rebalancing, and it's a work in progress. Tonight we're going to a German restaurant to drink some beer and hope for the wurst. And next week, for Thanksgiving, my two older children will show up with their spouses and my three grandsons and the house will be full and noisy again. I can't wait.
OK, other people's turns. Illuminate the landscape please. _________________ The goal is to fit it all in.
Joined: 13 Nov 2004 Posts: 899 Location: Gold Coast Australia
Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 12:25 am Post subject:
We were empty nesters for awhile...and then they came home...then one went again, then the other, and finally they both came back. Now Bryan and I think we might leave home.
Well for me it's a big day tomorrow. I'm starting a job. A little part time, no stress job, in a homeware store. I went in to buy some glass jars to fill with goodies for Christmas gifts. Discovered I knew the manager and he offered me a job. I got to choose my days and hours and the department ( I chose china and glassware, two days a week and only 5 hours a day).
Having been though cancer and chemo for the past two years it feels great to be going to work again.
Then in December we are all off to Perth for Christmas with my family. The first time we will have all been together in 20 years. _________________ Barbara
Joined: 29 Sep 2004 Posts: 2498 Location: Los Angeles, California, USA
Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 12:58 am Post subject:
Barbara- Wonderful to hear you picking up the threads and plunging back into a life outside of home. That you feel up to it is fantastic news!
CB- I think when you like your kids' friends you get the best possible confirmation that you (when they're little) and they (when they grow) are on the right track. I know it gave me more perspective than came naturally to me.
We would be experimenting with empty nest but our middle daughter who graduated last August is back home. And our youngest who goes to school halfway up the state has a girlfriend back here so he's home every few weeks. Which is lovely he's good company and his girlfriend is charming and fits into the family like a hand in a glove (see the preceding paragraph).
Sorry to hear about your case collapsing and thanks so much for starting this thread 'cause it's great to hear from you and I look forward to hearing from others too. _________________ God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. -- Garrison Keillor
Joined: 14 Oct 2005 Posts: 827 Location: Oakland, CA
Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 2:54 am Post subject:
Barbara, What wonderful news! I am continuing to send you good energy in my thoughts! What fun to be in a kitchenware shop! I am afraid I would leave my salary in the till for my own purchases!
Thanks for the thread CB. I knew your daughter graduated last spring - trip to Greece as I recall, for a graduation gift. Glad to hear she's doing well.
I agree with you all, it is such a treat to meet your child's friends and it does help you to take a measure of how they're doing. I worried when Ben went off to college 4 years ago that he would never abide roommates, being an only child. But he's never had a lick of trouble! Even when he and the roommate didn't see eye to eye, he managed to keep the relationship copacetic. He is still good friends with most of his former roommates - so that says a lot!
I am grieving because Ben is NOT coming home for Thanksgiving - he's in NYC, we're in Northen California - it's a long way for just a couple of days. He will be up in Connecticut with our closest cousins, so it's almost like home. He brings the cranberry chutney! We have gone out there most years, but it's an expensive trip and we will be going back in May for GRADUATION!!!!!!
My good news is that he increased the length of his Christmas visit from 10 days to 2 weeks! We spent 2 weeks with him in Ireland and England in April and 2 weeks on the Connecticut shore in August, but I couldn't cope with just 10 days at Christmas. As CB says, it's nice to have that energy around! You always love your kids, but it's GREAT to like them, too! _________________ L'appetit vient en mangeant. -Rabelais
Joined: 09 Nov 2006 Posts: 28 Location: the Netherlands
Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 9:28 am Post subject:
Im just starting to get my life back together after a bad relationship of 5 years. I fled England about a year ago, back to my parents. Now I have a new home, a new man in my life and Im going to finish University. It kinda hurts to look back at wrong choices you made in your life and at how stupid you have been and how you could let someone else dominate your life. But on the other hand its never too late to start again, at least thats what I think.
Financially its still a struggle because I left England with practically nothing and paying my tuition fees takes a big chunk of my budget but Ill manage and when I get my degree at least Ill be able to take care of myself and will never have to be dependent on anyone else again. Now thats a good thing to look forward to!
Luckily, before my ex and I left for England we put a lot of boxes with our things in my parents attic so at least I have a lot of my books and kitchenalia back so I can still endulge in my biggest hobby.
Oh well... Onwards and upwards!
carina: I hope everything turns out fine. I believe that the important thing that you are starting to get everything together. Don't worry too much about the mistakes you made in the past.
Since I'm relatively new to the board I think you hardly knew anything about what was going on in my life so far.
Nevertheless I'm just going to start to tell you the latest news:
I recently found a new job, quit my current job and now I'm waiting for the year to end, since I'll be starting at my new company in January. Everything went pretty smooth there, smoother even then I'd imagined and I can only hope that the new job will be as great as I imagine it to be. It's application developing in case anyone was wondering.
When it comes to relationship there's not much news, which is a good thing, since it means I'm still happily married to a great man.
CB--my godson has just started a career in criminal law and loving it--even with the losses overshadowing his wins so far!
Barbara---yahoo for you! Such great news!
carina--I can just see you tossing your hat in the air as we all sing "You're going to make it after all." (Yea Mary)
Hmm,not much changes in my life. Dick (my husband who had a stroke 14 months ago now!!!!!) will remain in care for the rest of his days. He is in a good place but it is still an institution. He has limited use of his left hand and that is about it. Can't even change the channel of his TV. Our 5 dogs keep me sane and in all truth I think my depression has fully passed and I just accept our lives the way they are now---the new reality and all of that!
Our daughter-in-law was diagnosed with liver cancer a year ago and given 5 months to 2 years. After 6 months the cancer had spread to her bones. Today the spot on her bones have disappeared entirely, the tumours in her liver are shrinking and her liver is regenerating. So it ain't all a bleak picture around here! Grandson made a papier mache pumpkin for Papa Dick for Hallowe'en. He has started pre-school now but tells me he can't tell me what they do there because (whispering) "It's a secret>" _________________ Vivant Linguae Mortuae!!
Joined: 29 Sep 2004 Posts: 2498 Location: Los Angeles, California, USA
Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 5:21 pm Post subject:
David- I am soooo happy for what sounds like some very, very good news for your daughter-in-law and, of course, you. And incredibly proud and inspired to think that you continue to roll with some of life's body blows. Meanwhile, how characteristic that you left me with a little laugh. You, my friend, after about 60 years of what life dishes out and measuring people against it, are one of my heros.
Jaffolk- Welcome and best of luck with your new endeavor.
carina- Here in the States we sometimes hear very sad stories of what happens when some women aren't brave enough to face the truth in their lives and reinvent them. Or let things trap them in relationships that aren't going anywhere or, worse, going in negative directions. Sadly, by the time people find out how dysfunctional some relationships are it's already had an awful conclusion.
It sounds like you did the right thing because that's what you're telling us you did. That courage and conviction will see you through. Meanwhile, I'm sure there are many of us who will cheerlead you on and be happy to hear about each of your successes along the way.
Here's a cyber cookie and a cup of warm tea. Hope you'll share some wonderful recipe for your idea of Dutch comfort food. That's the thing about food it sees us through the good times and the bad times and unites all of us who have good times and bad times and enjoy something yummy. _________________ God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. -- Garrison Keillor
Joined: 18 Oct 2004 Posts: 1654 Location: Within view of Elliot Bay, The Olympics and every ship in the Sound
Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 5:41 pm Post subject:
David, I am so happy to hear about your daughter in-law! I hope things continue onward and upward.
My life........my life is a little depressing right now. My grandmother who until recently, I haven't spoken to in three years is dying of a lung cancer, emphysema, congestive heart failure combo. One of my best friends is waiting on her leukemia diagnosis and comfirmation heart damage occured when she went into shock from the potassium deficency.
I am trying to get out of Thanksgiving and a friendship with a someone I have just realised is a total rascist. I am bringing a good friend from El Salvador to dinner so that isn't exactly going to work. How did I not know?
On the bright side I have been contributing to a very local free paper for a few months now. There is absolutely no money in it but, it's fun. Phil and I had our third anniversary yesterday and despite the most heinous meal known to man we had a wonderful evening. We just found out that Phil may be promoted this year and there are plenty of positions available on the west coast. This is really great because we are both extremely homesick right now.
Tonight my best friend gets in from England for a few days and I am really excited! _________________ "It's watery....and yet there's a smack of ham."
Joined: 29 Sep 2004 Posts: 2498 Location: Los Angeles, California, USA
Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 8:30 pm Post subject:
Hey, CB! No reason a man can't be people people and isn't as entitled to the warm and fuzzy as a woman. In my family my husband is the one who's intrinsically nurturing and I'm the one who has to remember to put other things before New England practicality. _________________ God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. -- Garrison Keillor
I have to say, it's really nice to hear what people are up to, good and bad. I used to feel like I could only tell my parents happy news, and missed being closer to them as a result. One of the smarter bartenders in Chicago used to say to me, CB, burdens are lighter when they're shared. But it's still hard to get away from the feeling that admitting that you made wrong choices or that you have problems will make people think less of you. As if there were a group of people who go through life without having made brutal choices or encountering problems. I just came back from lunch with a close friend, who learned that she has cancer, and the doctors are telling her that it may have spread to her liver. All of her other problems just got trivialized. And I was sitting there, thinking to myself, what do I say? _________________ The goal is to fit it all in.
Glad to hear all teh good news from everyone. David, you deserve a huge hug and sainthood for remaining such a calm loving person even though you have had so much trauma in your life of recent times. Rainey summed it up perfectly.
Barbara, congratulations on the job!! Glad to hear you are feeling up to starting work again.
Erin, sorry to hear your news. Also the person you are disassociating from doesn't sound like a nice person... you should be able to be friends with anyone you choose - without worrying about the opinions of others. Exciting to hear about your contributions. Have a great time with your friend!
My update is that we are moving house next week.... thrilled to be going to a place with a proper kitchen, but sorting through our furnished appt to figure out what is ours and what belongs here is a nightmare!!
At present we are waiting to hear about my husband's job... A bit nerve wracking to say the least. There have been major upheavals and restructuring in the company he works for and we have a sneaking suspicion that he is about to be promoted. That is good... but... we don't know if it will be here in Paris, or even elsewhere in France - or whether we will wind up in another country. Only thing we do know is that it won't be back in Australia. Results of stress next week on the day we are moving house... typical ... just what we need that day!
I have travel, travel and more travel on the horizon. Christmas we are going to London to stay with Wayne's brother and his kidlets. New Years we will be in Normandy for a combined New Year/Birthday party. First week of Jan we go to New Orleans for 7 days (can't wait to see Pestoman and his gorgeous wife!!!!). Back to Paris for a day or two then off to Australia to visit my family and welcome my brother and his wife's first baby into the world.
Have a small exhibition of photographs and drawings in a local resto which is going well, and selling (which I wasn't planning on doing at all). Only one huge dinner to create at the club, which is on a saturday evening so I have less stress this time... About to have our first thanksgiving as well with our good friend here in Paris.. very excited to share that with her and kidlets. Somewhere in between I have to squeeze in my birthday and a visit from friends in Brugges! Think I might skip this birthday and have a sleep that day.... reading all this I will need it!
Good to hear everyone else's news whether good or bad. It is important to share news, and sometimes can help ease the burden of stress or worry if it isn't great news. _________________ If you cannot feel your arteries hardening, eat more cheese. If you can, drink more red wine. Diet is just "die" with a "t" on the end. Exercise is walking into the kitchen.
Joined: 17 Jun 2005 Posts: 185 Location: New Orleans Louisiana
Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 9:50 pm Post subject:
This will be a little shorter than intended as my longer, more thoughtful, post of this a.m. was eaten by my cyber-puppy (honest just like my home-work) .here goes
Life in the rarefied, jet-set world world of pesto making goes on .we are moving away from the different basil pestos and into our fall/winter varieties (parsley, arugula, and cilantro) and sales remain good my voice has been included in a radio spot for our mkt. http://www.crescentcityfarmersmarket.org/radiospot.php (mine is the third voice you hear)
City wise we continue a long, difficult slog of recovery made more difficult by our fading from the national conscience ( it has after all been a over a WHOLE YEAR!!!) The stress is beginning to tell as we alternate between great optimism, and deep fatalistic pessimism (it is it possible for an entire city to be bi-polar J ..)
For Thanksgiving, we are spending overnight with a friend who was displaced about 40miles away by the storm where I will prepare dinner for he and his son and possibly his ex-wife (oh joy!!) he is less than an hour away but we seldom get together and I miss him
Christmas will find us in Ga. with the In-laws where I will perform another holiday meal (tough when you cook well) this time on Christmas Eve which is my Mother-in-laws birthday (boy, talk about a difficult childhood)
We will return to New Orleans for New Years, and in the first week of Jan. a visit from my good friends from Paris who I miss terribly(NOTE: i WAS COMPOSING THIS OFFLINE WHILE YOU WERE POSTING YOURS...shows were thinking along the same lines
best of everything to everyone _________________ I would like a gin martini, straight up, olives on the side, as dry as my wit, as clean as my conscience.
and... as cold as my heart!!!!
Gee, I wish we got along better Pestoman.... sigh...
Can't wait to Jan!!!!!!!
Happy Thanksgiving (if that is what one is supposed to say) and Merry Xmas! Parcel will be on the way in next week or so, unless you want to wait till we arrive? _________________ If you cannot feel your arteries hardening, eat more cheese. If you can, drink more red wine. Diet is just "die" with a "t" on the end. Exercise is walking into the kitchen.
Joined: 29 Sep 2004 Posts: 1196 Location: buried under a pile of books somewhere in Adelaide, South Australia
Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 1:22 am Post subject:
Great thread, CB - well done!
I can't even begin to single out what I want to say to everyone who has already posted, so I'll just give (((big hugs))) to everyone who has shared their good news, and ((((bigger hugs)))) to everyone who has had sad news.
And my mum has just arrived for a cup of tea, so I'll share my news later.... _________________ Doing what you like is freedom
Liking what you do is happiness
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum