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I haven't laughed this much in ages .....

 
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Judy



Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1196
Location: buried under a pile of books somewhere in Adelaide, South Australia

PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 9:50 am    Post subject: I haven't laughed this much in ages ..... Reply with quote

A friend emailed this to me - apologies if you've already seen it, but for anyone who hasn't, there are a lot of laughs and some very clever wordsmiths out there...


The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

The winners are:


1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.



The Washington Post's style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating the bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal cool ness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a--hole.
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gingerpale



Joined: 23 Jan 2006
Posts: 1324

PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 3:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Loved this--thanks, Joydy!
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minty



Joined: 17 Jul 2006
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 6:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOVED IT TOO, thanks a lot, I really needed a good laugh as I'm under a lot of stress lately... Wink
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Griffin



Joined: 09 Jun 2006
Posts: 932
Location: England

PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 6:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Judy,

A friend emailed me these so I passed them on... and one came back...

"You forgot, Excessorize - to go out with too much jewellery, handbags and perfume on."

Also, Mackerel - a mack for a young woman.

Samphire - don't let Sam near matches! (Thank you Clotilde for suggesting that one!)

Saucepan - a child's face after being saucy.
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gingerpale



Joined: 23 Jan 2006
Posts: 1324

PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 7:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just knew you'd show up here, Grinnin !
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suzeecreemcheeze



Joined: 15 Sep 2007
Posts: 1
Location: South of Boston

PostPosted: Sat Sep 15, 2007 2:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy

These are hysterical. Thank you for sharing them.

SCC
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DebbieN



Joined: 24 Aug 2007
Posts: 28

PostPosted: Sat Sep 15, 2007 5:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

These are great! Especially, sadly, "bozone"--which reminds me:

Our "fearless leader" was getting his daily news update and was told three Brazilian soldiers had been killed in a melee. To his cabinet members' surprise, he put his head in his hands, muttering in horror, "That's terrible." He had never acted even slightly worried over the deaths of more than 3000 American soldiers, so why was this hitting him so hard?

After a moment of shocked silence, he looked up and asked the vice president, "How many is a Brazilian?"
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Debbie



Joined: 21 Feb 2005
Posts: 861
Location: Paris

PostPosted: Sat Sep 15, 2007 7:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

As they say in the classics, Boom boom!

Very funny.

Thank you for that little cheer up today!
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Griffin



Joined: 09 Jun 2006
Posts: 932
Location: England

PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 7:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

At least he didn't ask, 'Isn't a melee a dessert?'

Bozone is somebody who is a waste of oxygen.
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