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clotilde
Site Admin


Joined: 24 Sep 2004
Posts: 443
Location: Paris, France

PostPosted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 11:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome back Sarape, we've missed you!
You'll find we've kept your favorite seat nice and warm by the fire. Smile
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swan



Joined: 23 Nov 2004
Posts: 450
Location: a Dutchie in HongKong

PostPosted: Sat Dec 13, 2008 6:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sarape, good to see you!

hey, even I found someone who can deal with my quirks, so why wouldn't you?? (well, you mentionend it - I didn't start!! Razz )
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Sarape



Joined: 15 Dec 2004
Posts: 583
Location: Anniston Alabama USA

PostPosted: Sat Dec 13, 2008 9:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the greetings. When you're not working at a desk job, it is simple to neglect the virtual word. I'll try and check here frequently. After all, this is one of the most enlightened forums I've encountered on the web. And likely the most friendly.

I have an incredible dating cum cooking story which happened to me back in October. I will share it on the cooking forum in a few minutes. This is one of those stories for the history books which is really hard to believe. A clash of cultures or maybe a big misunderstanding.
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Sarape



Joined: 15 Dec 2004
Posts: 583
Location: Anniston Alabama USA

PostPosted: Sat Dec 13, 2008 10:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Guess this is the proper place for my story. It is a bit long.

I usually spend the afternoons at the local public library reading the newspapers. This summer I met a 35-year-old woman from Nigeria who's now in the States sharing an apartment with her brother while studying to take a set of three medical examinations to allow her residency in the U.S. (she was a M.D. in Nigeria). After talking to her off and on for a couple months I invited her over on a Saturday afternoon to watch a movie. This to get to know her a bit and see if I like her. That afternoon "date" happened and I realized that she is not for me. Not at all my type, etc, etc.

So I sort of avoided her but she didn't avoid me. She'd stop over at my table sit down and say "hello" and chat. This went on for a couple weeks and one day she told me about a banquet her church was having which required everyone to bring a dish -- a potpourri. She planned to make goat soup, a Nigerian specialty.

Now here is the incredible part. Several days later I'm laying in bed and I hear a knock on my front door. The time was 7:15 am. I proceeded to look out the window and there she was. Now this was a very cold morning, around zero degrees C outside. And her apartment is about a one-mile walk from my house. And she doesn't have a car.

Anyway, I tried to hide and didn't answer the door. But she persisted and walked around to the side of the house by my bedroom window and said "Russell, Russell". So I relented and opened the door.

Here's her story: "Hello, I was wondering if I could use your kitchen? Remember I told you about the church potpourri? Well my brother wouldn't let me use the stove in our apartment, so I brought everything with me to cook here at your place."

Sarape: "It is 7:15 in the morning, I'm sleeping, NO, you can't use my kitchen to cook."

Her: "Please, you can go back to sleep, I'll just use the kitchen and your stove."

Sarape: "Why can't you use your own stove?"

Her: "My brother won't let me."

Sarape: "This is completely ridiculous. You can't just show up unannounced at 7 O'clock in the morning and expect to use my stove. Go home and tell your brother you have to use your own stove."

She was upset, but I was resolved. This is not socially acceptable according to my ideas of etiquette. Anyway, she gave in and I closed the door and she left, presumably she walked a mile back home in the frozen cold. I tried to get back to sleep without luck, since this was very upsetting to me.

So maybe it was a culture clash between American and Nigerian etiquette. Or maybe she thought there was a potential romance.
I still see her at the library. I completely avoid her, but she usually stops at my table before leaving to chat.

Everything here is absolutely true. After one completely platonic afternoon watching a movie (Oceans Eleven, btw), a woman shows up at my door on a frozen morning at 7:15 am carrying food, and cookware to prepare a dish for a banquet. Rolling Eyes
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simona



Joined: 11 Mar 2005
Posts: 696
Location: israel

PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 2:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You're right. Nothing has changed. You're the same old..er Sarape. Of course, if you didn't make up all this story!
But, honestly, my dear, what would have happened to your Highness if, contrary to your misanthropic self, you would have opened your door to a freezing women and let her cook her soup.? Ah? And while the soup cooked slowly, you would both have a nice cup of coffee , a nice chat and a nice breakfast ( you could introduce her to your bizarre gruel, I'm sure she would have been polite enough to swallow it so as not to offend you!). I don't know the etiquette in Atlanta, but I'm sure there are also lots of nice people over there!
Welcome back Sarape!
Tell the nice Nigerian doctor she is welcome to my kitchen to cook her soup, which recipe i'll gladly taste when done!

No more war ! More open-mindedness and open doors!
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swan



Joined: 23 Nov 2004
Posts: 450
Location: a Dutchie in HongKong

PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 9:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

But Sarape, at least a woman DID show up at your door...... Smile Confused Smile

And I'm with Simona...yeah, what would have happened??Or what's the worst that could have happened? I think it's quite funny actually, that she had the guts to come over to you!! Brave woman!!

Embrace the unexpected strangeness in your life, even if you don't wish to embrace the person that brings it...
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Sarape



Joined: 15 Dec 2004
Posts: 583
Location: Anniston Alabama USA

PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 11:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I sure would have let her in if I thought her a possible Mrs. Right candidate. But after deciding that she wasn't at all Mrs. Right, then the door stayed closed.

I am probably more negative towards her than neutral. My brain must have decided that I wasted 10 total hours talking to her. I know, my misanthropic ways. Evil or Very Mad

She hasn't given up, though. On Saturday, she cornered me in the library, sat down and proceeded to invite herself over to watch more movies and share popcorn. Rolling Eyes

Other information: She still has a wealthy husband and three children back in Nigeria. Her husband is a pastor and corrupt, according to her. He's also a tyrrant. She's trying to get divorced and custody of her children. Probably a difficult task. I have learned a few interesting things about Nigeria, so not a complete waste of time.
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David



Joined: 30 Sep 2004
Posts: 1855
Location: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2008 4:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ohmigod! Welcome back and it's oddly refreshing to have you here again Russell! I've missed your different slant on things--and your humour and honesty!

And as far as your Nigerian enterprise---NOTHING is ever a complete waste of time if it involves learning about another person--even if the person is not "suitable".
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sweetbabyjames



Joined: 05 May 2006
Posts: 357

PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 12:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have to add my reclusive voice here - I'm inclined to agree with Sarape. If I were already acquainted with someone & knew I didn't care much for him, I'd not be at all pleased by an unannounced visit. Though I would be curious about the soup, it certainly wouldn't sway me.
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dory



Joined: 11 Nov 2007
Posts: 236
Location: Madison, WI

PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 12:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Some of my best friendships have come from people I once dated where I discovered there was no "chemistry". I also think that in more communal and less technological cultures than this one, dropping in to ask a favor from a friend is much more appropriate than it is here. That side of me would tell you to be open to friendship and favors even if you are not attracted to this woman.

At the same time, in my past when I was unmarried (which is beginning to seem quite a while ago) I was also stalked literally by one guy that I met at public places-- twice-- to help him by appropriate outdoor clothes for winter (no underwear or intimates!!!!), as he was a newcomer from a warm climate. I hadn't thought of our meeting as any kind of date and he had. Like you I think it was a cultural misunderstanding as he was from a conservative Muslim country. It became very frightening to have him follow me around town. I was a university student at the time, and he had the same major as me and he asked professors' permission to audit several of my classes so he could keep an eye on me. This man was quite upset (and I was scared) when I finally had to confront him and tell him that what I had done-- talking to him casually in public, was no indication that I was interested in him as more than a casual acquaintance, when in his culture, it seems that going shopping "alone" (unchaperoned?) with a single woman meant that we were practically engaged. I know the feeling of being followed and pressured, and it is really not pleasant. If you are getting that feeling from the woman, it might be better to avoid her. What you want to be sure of is that she knows the boundaries in your culture between a friendly and platonic exchange between a man and a woman and a prelude to a romantic relationship.

Dory
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Sarape



Joined: 15 Dec 2004
Posts: 583
Location: Anniston Alabama USA

PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 10:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Back when I was in college (1978-1982) I heard of a study which compared the different impressions men and women have after a social encounter (conversation) with a stranger of the opposite sex.

The men usually concluded that the conversation would lead to the bedroom, at least that's what the men wanted to believe. Whereas the women simply enjoyed the conversation thinking it would lead toward friendship.

Conclusion: men --goal is bedroom; women --goal is another friend.

I've kept that in mind over the years and I think it has helped.

I have also noticed that women raised in families with older brothers fit best with male activities -- no surprise. And best to avoid women with no brothers.
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cigalechanta



Joined: 27 Dec 2004
Posts: 200
Location: cambridge, ma.

PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 3:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome Anthony.

Sarape. I have a cybor friend (For ten years) who lives in Anniston
on Lakeshore Drive. She and her husbad and friends are in D.C
for the big "O" event,
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RebeccaJo



Joined: 20 Jul 2009
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 2:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello.

My name is Rebecca and I just found this forum and thought that this might be the right spot for me. Looking forward to having some interesting discussions.

Have a nice day.
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dory



Joined: 11 Nov 2007
Posts: 236
Location: Madison, WI

PostPosted: Mon Jul 27, 2009 9:06 pm    Post subject: welcome, Rebecca Reply with quote

Welcome Rebecca. I am relatively new to this forum as well, but have had fun here. It is always really nice to have someone new to chat with.

Dory
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Mmel'ours



Joined: 10 Nov 2009
Posts: 41
Location: Chicago suburbs

PostPosted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 5:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bonjour, tout le monde!

I found out about C&Z about three weeks ago when I heard Clothilde interviewed on National Public Radio about I Know How To Cook.

I love to cook, write, spend time outdoors, and take voice lessons as hobby. I'm married to a man who looks and acts suspiciously like a bear, and am mom to a 12.5 year old rescued Brittany Spaniel.

Three years ago, I was able to make my first trip to France. I spent a week cooking and living a la Francaise in Roanne, near Lyon. I spent an afternoon working on a novel at a cafe, and had the best tuna sandwich of my life there. I look forward to my next journey there.
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